The thing about grief is that it keeps weird hours. It’s like the small mom and pop shop that closes whenever the owner isn’t available to be in the store. Sometimes it’s open in the mornings, sometimes at night and sometimes you never know. The shop usually doesn’t make it. Why? Because people like consistency. They like to know when things are going to be there so they can plan accordingly. But grief. It is persistent. It comes and goes at the strangest of times. You can’t plan for it and you can’t shut it out. There are times, however, that like clockwork you know you can count on grief to show up. For me, it’s Mother’s Day. I’m a mother “less” Mother.
The more time that passes between the loss of my mother and the growing of my own mothering the more I have learned that although my mother: the mother who brought me into the world; who raised me to be all the things she wanted most from herself; the mother who loved me; my mother; my friend; my confidant. The more I realize that I am mother “less” not mother abandoned. She still has such a presence in my life and she is still my mother. She whispers to me in her example at times when I need it most. Her memories provide laughter and guidance when I call upon them. I see her in my sisters, sometimes in the mirror, and often in the light in my children’s eyes.
In her absence, however, I have also seen the blessings that she has left for me. By allowing other amazing mother’s to be in my life to still help guide me and to love me and my children. She has once again shown her grace and her undying love. The void she left is great, and never will be filled, but I am “less” only MY mother. I have many others to lean on; received through her blessing and in her raising of me to be who I am today. I am filled with gratitude for them amidst my grief today.
You know who you are. Thank you for loving me and for being there for me and for my children as amazing-wonderful mothers helping to raise a village..no matter our age.
